Oddly Specific!

All Naruto! (Well, mostly...)

All Thor!

But none of it compares to the sheer majesty of Bedazzled Penguin.

IN AMERICA.

Ironically, two weeks ago this was all Will and Kate merchandise.

Tanger Outlets, Part Two

After my spiritual awakening at the first Claw Machine at Tanger Outlets, I decided to check the other machines, and I can gladly report an embarrassment of riches:

Just imagine the child crying and screaming as their parents feed the machine dollar after dollar, desperately fumble with the controls, their fingers blistered and bloody as they struggle in vain to bring home that adorable plush sumo wrestler. The worst part is he's so close to the edge. You can just taste it.

A bit more in line with the Claw Machine Mission Statement: one recognizable character that everyone will try for, completely surrounded by a bunch of generic bunnies and bears. It doesn't matter that Cyborg's brain has apparently fallen out the back of his head (which seems disturbingly probable) and his face has been flattened with an iron and his features redrawn with a Sharpie... this is the one everyone will be going for.

The Beginning: Tanger Outlets, Part One

Earlier today I was walking out of a public restroom and I happened to notice THIS in a nearby claw machine.

In case you can't tell, that's the Cookie Monster, one of the most known faces in children's television for over forty years. If you can use the internet, you probably have at least a passing familiarity with the Cookie Monster. You probably also know that the Cookie Monster is very, very blue... blue being a default color for both Muppets and X-Men, while this Cookie Monster is black and grey.

Now, maybe this is Cookie Monster in his black alien costume, maybe this is the rare variant edition Cookie Monster. Hell, maybe it's Cookie Monster's more obscure cousin Cakie Monster that I'm just not well-versed in Sesame Street to be aware of. I have no idea. But I saw this just-off-model-enough version of an iconic character as saying something very specific and very telling about the Claw Machine phenomenon.

See, I realized that I really like Claw Machines. I've never used one that I can remember and I know nothing of how much they cost at this point or their history (feel free to tell me)... I don't even know if they're meant to be called "claw machines," and I refuse to take the two seconds to wiki it... but I love what they represent: painfully outdated boardwalk distractions that somehow STILL exist everywhere.

And so I built this blog, a place for all those misfit toys no one will ever win. If you happen to come across any beautifully shoddy renditions of beloved characters, send me a picture and a location and we'll build them a home together.

(I did not, nor will I ever try to win the Cookie Monster. I've only seen people actually USING the machines once and they were Amish.)